The Law of Dieting Karma (eL DonKey)

Weight has always been a dysfunctional struggle for me.  I remember losing 10 pounds at 7 years old to earn my ticket to the Shawn Cassidy concert; and then at 12, being enrolled in Nutrisystem with the family to lose 30 pounds by 8th grade. I survived a pseudo-anorexic period at 30 where I obsessively restricted myself to 500 calories a day; I lost 80 pounds (and almost my marriage) to squeeze into a size 4 pair of skinny jeans. I, like many of you, have done every stupid diet out there, only to see my small successes erased by the Law of Dieting Karma (LDK for short, or as I refer to it: eL DonKey). The LDK states that every pound lost by restricting calories, fat, sugar, carbs, entire food groups, or air will be returned to you with interest compounded daily.  The current interest rate is based on the NASFAT stock index and  Weight Futures trading. 

Sorry - my husband (yes, our marriage did survive and we are good!) - he has been dabbling in the stock market out of boredom while being on lock-down for the COVID-19 pandemic. He now fancies himself a stock market genius after making it rain $700, so lately, I hear a lot about day trading, the futures market, and other things I really don't want to get sucked into learning about. ANYWAY...back to LDK -  eL DonKey!

The principle of LDK is that for a 10-pound weight loss, you will be rewarded with a 20-40 pound weight gain.  Similarly, an 80-pound weight loss can cause a 160-pound weight gain.  Now this is not all overnight - if it was, we would have caught on to it by now.  eL DonKey, however, is a sneaky bastard.  He creeps alongside you, hiding in your shadow, silent and undetected.  He adds a pound here, a half pound there - he's playing the long game.  One day though, 5-10 years later, you wake up and realize you have somehow changed from Ariel the Mermaid to Ursula the Sea Witch while you were sleeping. Stupid eL DonKey! 😠


Seriously, I think eL DonKey is just pissed because no matter what we eat or don't eat, he's still stuck eating carrots and hay.  I'd be pissed, too.  That's why I'll never be vegan...😁 Tune in for my next blog entry, where I'll tell  you all about NFLABS - you won't want to miss it!  Until then, stay safe and stay well! - Steph AKA The Pudgy Nurse 😊

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